Motivation

I'm so depressed. I had carefully planned out all the things I needed to use my money for, but then it all disappeared. I have about $15 in my bank account to last me until next Wednesday! I really have to be more careful, I don't know what happened. I thought I had enough money for everything but I guess I underestimated my money, when I thought I was overestimating. I'm usually really careful and I always have money left over, but this time I don't know what happened. So from now on I'm going to make sure I keep much better track and make better planning lists and not spend any extra money without accounting for it. I should get a banking book to keep track of it, or just write it in a little notebook, I have enough of them.

It's sad, too, I wanted to get pizza for dinner, that's why I checked. Of course, if I hadn't I'd be in trouble. I really wanted pizza though. Brian made "spaghetti" which was bowtie noodles with sauce. It's not spaghetti. Spaghetti is long skinny noodles. I hate it when people call things the wrong name. Anyway, his sauce is gross, and I don't really like just noodles with sauce. So I made myself soup and cheese and crackers, and then I had a doughnut because Ross bought doughnuts today, and then he looked at my plate and said, "So, cheese and crackers for dinner?", like I turned my nose up at his food. Excuse me for eating my own food in my own house. And he made a big deal about making dinner since we (I) make enough dinner for everyone most of the time. I don't think it's polite to only make dinner for two people if there's going to be enough for three, and just tell him he can't have any. That's rude. I spend a good amount of money on all the groceries, though, so don't just buy some crap sauce and think it makes up for that. And don't make a huge fucking mess on the stove I just cleaned and then get all affronted when I ask you to wipe it up. I mean, honestly.

So I'm really excited for when we move out. Except Ross didn't get the internship in Oregon, and I'm sad about that, even though I didn't want him to be so far away, but he wanted to get it and I wanted him to get it. He doesn't know what he's going to do and I don't want him to feel bad or in trouble about not finding an internship or anything. I worry about it because he can't even graduate unless he finds one. That would be really sad if they didn't let him graduate after he did all the work, just because of a dumb internship. Especially because it's partially the fault of the graphic design program's being poorly structured that he's having trouble.

I have to write a letter to Mrs Okada about going straight into third-year Japanese, I was looking through the textbooks again and they both look pretty easy, but second year looks especially easy. So I definitely want to start at third year. I really hope I can go to school because even with doing more writing and sewing I am very bored. Work is okay, but it's not school. I need something to stimulate my mind. I've been reading tons of books but that isn't enough, in fact it only makes it worse if there are students in the books.

I am starting my new work schedule tomorrow. Thursday and Friday I'm going in from 11 until closing, 5:30, but after that I will be doing 11:30 to 5:30 for the forseeable future, and then I don't know what. So, I have to start going to bed earlier.