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Today is my dad's birthday, I suppose I should call him and say happy birthday but I don't want to. He is a complete and utter idiot and I'm really mad at him right now. He closed up his 'business' to drive down to Arizona and help out my mom, but when he vacated his apartment he gave the landlord an extra month's rent money, even though he wasn't going to be there at all and wasn't going to move back in or anything! What a waste of money. He said something about not wanting to leave people hanging and that if he wants to throw his money away, he can, which makes me so incredibly angry. I barely have money for bills and groceries and stuff I need and he's just doing stupid things with his money, even though he knew that I needed money (which I've never received). So I'm not speaking to him until he apologizes and sends me my money. Although he probably won't ever apologize since he doesn't think he did anything wrong.

I do have a little bit of money I could use from the savings account that my grandma made for me, but it's supposed to have $300 in it and it only has $177 right now, so I shouldn't, because I need to put $123 back in it anyway. Oh well. I'll just eat every random thing we have, not much, and then put off going to the store until I absolutely have to. We have some stuff to make but not very much and it's all missing some ingredients so I guess I'll be eating plain rice and plain pasta for a while. Being poor sucks! At least I have electricity and stuff like that though.

Aberration

Tonight we went to see the fireworks and now everyone is hanging out here in Moxee. Jarrett went upstairs to talk to Tsz, his girlfriend, and they are playing Soul Calibur with random characters. It's really funny to watch the weird combinations of armor and costume. Fireworks were really fun except for the screaming little girls next to us, and then the drive out which was really packed.

I paid the rent money to Ross, paid the minimum payment on all my credit cards, and then I'm out of money again. I'll have to use the money for glasses to get some groceries instead of buying the glasses, and then when I get paid again I think I can buy the glasses. I can wait a little longer since these are still usable. My prescription did change a bit so as soon as possible I should get them because that could explain the headaches I've been having. Of course it could be something else too since I hadn't gone to the doctor in a long time. I want to see about getting some low income insurance, but I have enough to worry about now. My ankle seems to be better so I won't worry about that for now, I'm sure it was nothing serious. I suppose I am a little paranoid, and it's probably because of the medical TV dramas I watch, but every time I have a weird symptom that's not easily explainable I always worry it's a sign of something bad. So I have to try not to do that so much.

Maybe I should try and get a second job, like a weekend job or something. I can't really get more hours at work, at least not as much as I would be wanting, so maybe I should do something just on Saturday and Sunday. Then I would be working seven days a week, though. I don't know if I could do that. I don't really do that much with my spare time right now, and sometimes I'm bored and just lay around playing flash games and looking at stuff online, but I would be really bored and tired at a job if I had to work that much. If it were a job where I had lots of stuff to do, that would be okay, but mostly the only jobs that I could do just on a weekend, at least in Ellensburg, would be fast food, and I wouldn't be able to ride my bike to the fast food places, at least not easily, and I hate fast food places anyway. So, I don't know. I wish there were more places in Ellensburg. I really hope I can work in the library when school starts because that would be weekends and extra money and I will need it then since I won't be working as much at the cleaners. If I don't get a job on campus, I won't have any money at all. I'll worry about that later though since I have enough things to worry about right now!

Dilation

No new Nijuu Mensou no Musume yet. Sad. I wish they would release it more accurately, some weeks it comes out on Tuesday and some weeks not until Sunday. I can't wait to watch the new episodes and I usually do right as they come out so whenever there is a big gap I'm sad.

I went to my eye doctor appointment today and they had to dilate my eyes and they felt really weird all day. They hurt, and my ankle hurt too, so I left work early even though I probably shouldn't have. My ankle has been hurting a lot lately, in the past few months I would run and then stumble or trip, and it would hurt for a little while, and then be fine, but since last week it's been hurting almost constantly. I can walk, but it hurts, and this morning the upper part of my limb was hurting as well. So I don't know what's going on there.

I got a book at the library, but it was the Spanish edition. I had ordered it and I was really sad when I saw that, because I really want to read it and now I have to wait even longer.

Ross's parents' house is so nice. We ended up having to take Kitty to Selah because he was being a brat over here and hissing at Tigger constantly. So off he went.

Escapades

Ross and I are at his parents' house in Moxee for the weekend because they went to the San Juan islands for the Fourth of July weekend. We will probably go see fireworks at the fairground since I want to see big fireworks this year. Hand ones are fun, but I prefer the big displays.

Doug is going to come over too and we are going to play survival horror games. Mostly Silent Hill, because I would like to see it but I don't really want to play it myself. It's less scary that way. Fatal Frame I and II weren't really that scary, but they're about ghosts which aren't too bad. Silent Hill has icky things in it so that's worse. But if I'm just watching it will be fine I think.

It's so nice here, I love air conditioning. Our apartment is really hot, but even that is nice compared to my work. There's only two fans and because all the equipment is on, it's really hot and never really cools down. Even in shorts it's so hot I can hardly work. I'm tired and sick feeling all the time, and I wish I didn't have to work right now while it's so hot, but I can't quit since I don't have another job. Hopefully it will cool off a little bit soon, and it's only for a couple of months. It probably won't get any hotter, at least.

The worst part is when I am bleeding because then I have cramps and for some reason it always feels worse in the heat. I just feel heavy and tired and awful. I wish I could still take the medicine that let me not have it if I kept taking the regular pills, but since I have headaches they won't let me have it since I could have a stroke and go blind.

Tomorrow is my eye doctor appointment. I finally get to get new glasses, thanks to my grandma who generously gave me the money for the appointment and glasses. I am excited, these still I can wear but they constantly fall down my nose since they are so stretched out and old, especially in the heat.

After tomorrow I have a three-day weekend. I just have to get through tomorrow! I get paid tomorrow too, which is nice, except for the fact that all my money is gone to rent, bills, and groceries. I don't even have enough money for all of those. It's because I have to pay a hundred dollars more than usual for rent since Brian is moving out to the big house. We have to finish out the lease before we can move, too, so we don't have to pay two rents for July at least. Ross is paying my share of the deposit though, even though I already owe him too much money from when I didn't have a job, so I have to pay that back soon too. I'm never going to catch up! It's really hard. I wish I had some rich relatives. I have to start paying my loan that I got for school a year ago back in August, but I should have (I'd better have!) my financial aid for this year by then, and hopefully I can use a little extra of that (hopefully there is a little extra!) to catch up and start paying my bills. I've been trying to this whole summer but something always comes up.

Any kind rich random stranger who reads my blog, if you want to do a nice and generous good deed, you can send me money through Paypal! hoshi_interposed@yahoo.com

I don't really think anyone reads this, except Megan because she left a comment once (hi Megan!) but if some random person were ever to read it and be inspired by my sad and lonely ramblings... hahaha

Inadequate

I am super sad. I had to call out sick a day last week so on my check I didn't make very much money. I was hoping to have enough so I could buy some books this week but I didn't. Sad. I barely have enough for all my bills. I really wanted to read the new Kushiel's Legacy book that came out, the last one in the series. I guess it can wait a little bit though since I wouldn't be able to read it right off even if I did buy it, because I have a bunch of library books right now too. So I'll be patient for a little bit more.

I hope I can get more money sometime soon, because my glasses keep breaking. I took them in to be fixed last time and the optometrist said that I should just get new ones, these aren't going to last much longer. I want to get contacts but they are expensive, too, either way I have to get an eye exam again and the exam itself costs money too.

I like being independent, but at the same time I hate not having anything to fall back on. I don't have savings or insurance or anything. It's pretty depressing.

It's my fault though.

I hate complaining all the time when I write so I haven't written any posts in a while. I might not for a while again until good things happen again!

Frustration

I hate Macy's. I bought some jeans about a month ago, if not more, and left them there to be altered using my free service from having a platinum card, and then since no one ever called me to tell them they were ready, I called this week to see if they were ready. They were. Becky said no one had called me because they were training new people and the new people didn't really know everything yet. So when Ross went down there to spend his graduation gift card today, he went to pick them up, and they weren't there.

How do you lose a pair of jeans? I called, to find out, and Cheryl, this time, said that they must have gone back out because there's only one shelf for alterations, both incoming and outgoing.

How much more stupid can you get? First of all, if you're going to be dumb enough to put incoming and outgoing things on the same damn shelf, at least put a label or a bag or something to differentiate them! Second, wouldn't the seamstress know that they have already been altered because she just brought them back?

I'm incredibly angry.

Creativity

I really wish I had a sewing machine. The one I bought a while back broke, or at least never worked very well, and I want a good one. I always want to sew things, but when I read historical fiction that has people making their own clothes, I want to make clothes even more, and I don't mind sewing things by hand, it's not very hard, but it does take a very long time and it's hard on my eyes, even with glasses, I usually get headaches. Also there are never any patterns for things I would like to make, so I have to make them up myself, and sometimes that works better than other times. I also want to learn embroidery again, my mom taught me some things when I was really young and I could probably do it if I tried, but maybe not. I wish more people did this kind of thing these days. It seems sad that everything is done by machines now, when it's so pretty when done by hand.